Auld Lang Syne Fell Race, 31 Dec 2012

Dave Johnson's conversion on the road to Wuthering Heights - as Jesus's newest (and oldest) disciple leads tha messiah onto the fells .DJ always was into strange sects.

An end to 2012 - and  a  lengthy journey to the shire of the Bronte country (located next door to James Herriot country) - a pilgrimage prolonged by Dave Johnson's  Garmin's failure to provide navigational reference points.
 It was up on t' fells at  Wuthering Heights - on a hillside at t' back side of Keighley for the Auld Lang Syne race organised by a group called the Woodentops. This was to be our first literary run - as we avidly sought out the main locations for the novel. This was unfortunately  hindered by a limited knowledge of the book so we must have missed lots of things. Sad to report that Trevor claimed he'd actually read the novel - but on closer questioning it seemed more likely that he just knew the lyrics from the Kate Bush song of the same name . Kate's warble was loosely based on the Bronte story -covering all the main screech points.
For those who haven't read it yet - it's long winded - but don't despair as it can be summarised quickly .
Wuthering Heights is the story of a precocious whimsy called Catherine. She kicks off an affair with a stranger to the moors called Heathcliff. She was 'drawn' to him not just because of his unusual name - which seems to be based on 2 topographical features and may be an abbreviation for Heathclifford which would add a 3rd feature -but also because he was dark and had a big ambition. (The Brontes specialised in weird names - they were the only family apart from the Royals that had an Umlaut in their surname). Cath was probably only flirting anyway to impress her right on friends that she wasn't obsessed with status , money and all those other ghastly things. But Heathcliff really did have no money and she soon ditched him for a safer pair of hands . It's a fable for the modern day as girls seek out street credibility to make a socially worthy impact by dating someone 'unique' or 'interesting'  - such as the  workshy poet . Soon disappointed - when she learns he gets his inspirational lines off Greg Penn -at which point  he then just becomes another waster. She then marries the dullard with the platinum card - who owns an Audi on hp. This is the basic story to WH.
So  Cath went on to  marry the owner of Wuthering Heights .For reasons never quite explained Heathcliff disappears for 6 months after the marriage - but resurfaces as a rich man . The unmentioned conclusion is that he was dealing drugs in Halifax.

Trevor's glorious Poly vest lights up the road - for the short section before entering the moors.

Lots of people then die and babies are born and Heathclifford then takesover Wuthering Heights farm after kicking out Cath's hubbie.

It was quite apparent however that Heathcliff was never a farmer - as the building is now in ruins with no evidence of any attempt to work the land and plant a few turnips.
As usual in any female novel - there's not much happeneing but lots of detailed discussion - where male characters are forced to listen to lengthy speeches without getting a right of reply.

Just a few of the cast from the Auld Lang Syne Fell Race

Heathcliff wasn't a fell runner - in fact the tiresome novel doesn't feature any sportsmen at all.  So while the start line for the race featured a few dozen runners in fancy dress - representing many fictional characters from novels and film - there was  no one from Wuthering Heights. The cast  list included Jesus of Nazareth complete with cross (book and film that one) , Rapunzel ( from the Brothers Grimm), Batman , a cast of cowboys riding horses - Tommy Cooper style, the Slag Brothers from Wacky Races, Superwoman - who was really super, St. Trinians ( men in drag ...), Tigger, Saint George, an officer from Rorke's Drift ( Dave Johnson had relieved Mafeking several times - but hadn't brought his pith helmet),John Peel ( not the hero worshipped DJ - but the foxhunter). But no characters from Wuthering Heights!!
To confuse matters even further- the race was summoned to the quarry by a Black Watch tartaned piper belting out the Dashing White Seargeant; a Hundred Pipers and More and that great Corrie Bros number - Flower Of Scotland. . The conditions were absolutely atrocious -  Scottish weather -with the rain driving in at every angle on a fierce force 7 sou' westerly. The run took us out a quarry before heading onto the moors and down through a steep banked valley with a river running through it. The first 3 miles saw us pointed into the driving wind with no chance to tack - until  the high point at Wuthering Heights farm.Trevor had made a smart start - and it was only on the climb up to the farm that his famous colours came into view.

Water dancing while Jesus waits on the bank side for the sea to part. Water was thigh deep at its worst !

 A quick exchange of pleasantries - as we circuited the trig before heading downhill across a fine heather moorland - the heather not high enough to impede a rapid run - and with the wind on the back. Progress was swift til we both got jammed behind Superwoman as she displayed her silky skills. It was then back down to the river -  picking off a few more characters on the drop . The final drop to the river was by now a mud slide as several runers got upended. Then the final ascent to the gravel track home - and past a derelcit farm house that Heathcliff had probably kicked in after Cath got married.
The final moorland trail was a bit tight - with tiring runners in front blocking off our attacks. Then enough in the tank to dash for the line - passing St George in the process. Trevor and I were a shade over the hour. Dave Johnson hurtled in a few minutes later - cluthing his crucifix. We were all comfortably in the top third of th field - in a race that featured some top class runners - including the eventual winner GB Triathlete and bronze medal winner at 2012 Olympics - Jonnie Brownlee in the striped blue and white vest of Bingley Harriers.

This is Wuthering Heights farmhouse - photo taken on 1 sunny day last year. It's clear that Heathcliff was a feckless farmer considering the general poor land management skills on show.

 Heading home and the only thing to do in Yorkshire was to get fish and chips - harder task than we expected. This involved a detour to Skipton to Bizzy Betty's chip bar ( everyone in Yorkshire over the age of 50 is called Betty or Norah). It was there that we regaled the lady fish fryer with our exploits on Wuthering Heights- a lot of strange characters up there - we told her  - but Emily Bronte could have knocked out a far better novel with a bit of imagination as she could have replaced her list of dull personalities with the cast of characters on the Auld Lang Syne . She could even have mentioned Christ's second coming which for sure would have won favour with her bible bashing dad.
Dave Johnson bought 2 huge bags of chocolate chip cookies in Skipton- but refused to share them with his friends A most Christian thing to do - and worth mentioning.
A great race - and this is the web site for more info :http://www.woodentops.org.uk/index.php?topic=als
Thanks also to the Woodentops for the photos.